Home » Right Person / Right Time?

Although the wedding bells are a long way off and a mere faint dingdong in the d istance of life, it's not something I don't think about. When my parents got married, only 19 years ago, marriage was still largely a Christian ceremony. It represented religious sanctity, sacred unison. Today, with the divorce rate overtaking that of marriage, it seems all it's worth is the party and the presents. In view of that, then, I wondered whether we are choosing the wrong people to marry, and if we are, whether we realise it and why we do it.

 

There are a number of theories surrounding marriage. The classic, the one that's literally 'written in the stars' is that we will meet 'the one' and live happily ever after, that is, as happy as princesses in fairy tales. If we get married, thereby, we can all be Cinderellas. It's quite understandable that people are blinded by their desire to be happy, and rush into a marriage in the hopes of starting a long and wonderful life. At the first signs of the green light, of someone compatible, we can be quick to seize the opportunity.

 

This type of behaviour links in with the need to satisfy other people; where 'other people' can mean anyone from the family to society as a whole. Firstly, marriage may be what has always been emphasised as the goal to life while growing up - the central point of family life, the epicentre of activity. There again, it may be as simple as being the last of three siblings not to get hitched, and you're feeling tired of seeing the look of disappointment on the faces of your aunts and uncles every time you come home alone. It's family pressure. Society itself can exert pressure, too - this time, we feel we have to conform to what is expected of us. In some ways, in fact, many ways, marriage can be seen as a natural step in life. It comes after starting a career and before having children. I suspect a lot of people feel this way, and are eager to proceed to the next level by taking that stage in their stride.

 

Consider this, then, that marriage is something that people want at a certain point in their lives, and not necessarily with a particular person. That is, we get to a birthday and the person we are with at that point, or the next person we engage in a relationship with, will automatically become your other half in marriage. Who that person happens to be is totally random. The trouble with this is that people may settle even if they are not convinced they have found someone they could be with for eternity. This is what ends in divorce, right here.

 

Is there such an intolerable negative force associated with being single that people are driven into marriage? To be honest, it would not surprise me. Naturally, not being married in middle age does raise an eyebrow or two. Because for such a long period of time and history, marriage has founded our ancestory and traditions, we need to ask questions and justify the choices we make to not follow that trend. That's totally acceptable and to be expected. What we should then do, however, is respect and admire the choices of the individual; whether they choose to marry young, or marry when they're old, have children or remain a couple. Marriage is not everyone's priority, if at all in their plans.

 

There is an abundance of amazing times to be had during a lifetime that marriage doesn't even come close to. Independence and peace of mind could be argued to be even more fulfilling than partnership.

 

I think the answer here is that there is definitely no right time to get married, and not necessarily just one right person. More than this, I don't think marriage in itself is always right.