Sara O'Rourke

A Very Honest Goodbye



Posted: Tuesday, January 18, 2011

by Sara O'Rourke

The big adventre is two weeks away and I'm sitting here in an empty house, television on to keep me company, my eyes stinging from crying.

Whenever I feel the wave of sadness hit me like now, I am compelled to write things down, in a vain hope that seeing the words before me will help me make sense of it all. It is somewhat comforting, admittedly, but more than this I feel like it almost seems as if someone is listening to me.

The two main feelings are completely separate. I am 100% excited to take off and start this huge, year-long adventure around the opposite side of the world. I am always worried that others won't understand or separate this notion from my sadness, not really getting to grips with the problem at heart. At the moment, however, I find I can't get away from my sadness. I am stuck in the present, I can't look ahead yet. It's the most frustrating thing because all I want to do is be able to live in the moment and be carefree and make the most of what little time I have left with the people I love, but all I can do is cry, be emotional, mourn.

As regards my relationships, I feel like despite investing all my energy into trying my hardest to be OK and to be happy, my face and my behaviour gives away my true feelings. I feel like I would like to get it all out of my system, to re-live this entire month properly and positively, to erase the sad memories I have forme and replace them with happy ones, full of smiles. I feel like I have done significant damage to my friendships and relationships, maybe even ruined them, all because I cannot just let go and live for the moment.
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Top-level comments on this article: (2 total)
» left by LeahG Artist
 1 year 112 days ago.
192 fans. Follow LeahG Artist on twitter!
If your friendships are strong ones they won't be ruined because you didn't play ball. Respect is given to those with the strength to say no. Have a fabulous time on your trip!!
» left by Drunken Mystic
 1 year 111 days ago.
33 fans. Follow Drunken Mystic on twitter!
I felt this way a long time and fought hard with it. I could even say that even if it might sound stupid, I always found a way of connecting with God as a friend who listens and used to speak to Him constantly and also question Him during those deep moments of sadness. I always received an answer and it was soothing to the heart. I just wish you could have a nice trip soon, but before that...also be happy in the present. Thank you.
 
DM
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